90&9: Discuss your thoughts on the parenting styles of each family.
KH: Some have expressed anger at the way the children are raised within the Meeks home. I think much of it comes down to a philosophical perspective.
At a young age, Tish lost her mother due to breast cancer (her full story can be found, published in a Chicken Soup for The Soul book.) She was made to fend for herself and didn’t quite know how. Therefore, she has valued raising her own children to be very independent, and able to care for themselves. From her perspective, it’s not an issue of lazy parenting, but a desire to instill independence.
We have instead chosen to shelter our children, and provide a close knit family with intentional dependency on each other. Had I lost my mother at an early age, I might think differently.
Although I disagree with the glorification of alcohol and party atmosphere around small children, understanding Tish’s story helped me reserve judgment.
90&9: In the follow-up interview on the show you said Steve standing up for your values was the “most romantic thing he has ever done.” Please explain.
KH: I have traveled with Steve to many romantic places in the world like London, Paris, Italy, and the Alps of Switzerland. Nothing compares to the love I felt when he remained firm in protecting our family in spite of outside pressures.
Steve and I had different roles in filming the episode, and he did very well. He wasn’t just looking out for himself, but had three young children to be concerned with. Some were skeptical Pentecostals would be mocked if we did this show. However, Steve’s careful wording and rehearsal on doctrinal issues, helped us give concise, yet non-judgmental defense for our beliefs. Though he took a strong stance, he did not impose his beliefs on Tish. She continued to wear a nose ring and pink hair when she was being “Kristin.”
We were pressured to impose our disciplines on the Meeks, but refused, and did not request dresses for Tish and Hannah, even though we had authority to do so.
STEVE’S SIDE
90&9: In this episode you were shown as the hard guy, “the enforcer” in many encounters with Tish. Was that something ABC played up or is that how most of those incidents occurred?
Steve Hoover: Kristin and I discussed early on in the filming (before she left for Texas) the story lines that appeared to be formulating in the Hoover house. Reality TV doesn’t just happen; there are many directors and editors involved. We were aware of the show’s propensity to find a real or supposed anomaly within a family. It then seems to become a focus and is often exaggerated beyond reality. We were very concerned that shame might be brought to the body of Christ and thought of the possibilities:
a) We may harm the cause of Christ were we to be portrayed as “Bible Thumpers” who imposed narrow beliefs on those who did not share our faith.
b) We could do harm to our conservative Pentecostal faith if the focus remained on our Christian disciplines in regards to modesty and dress.
c) My heritage and the Mennonite faith and family could easily be mischaracterized as an anti-social, anti-intellectual cult.
d) I might be portrayed as an authoritarian father who demands a very structured home and is the unquestionable patriarch.
I was more comfortable in taking the heat personally, and determined to play up the latter any time I possibly could. I planned in advance to take a hard line position. Kristin and I both understood the consequences of doing this and expected the final cut to be less favorable to me than to the other show participants.
Did ABC also play it up? Absolutely! They took the bait! There are several examples of scene splicing to do just that. Do I blame them for this? No. It fit the story line and I was quite comfortable with the outcome, not to mention some of it added humor.
90&9: You acted quite disgusted with her first family meal. What happened there?
SH: Tish and I may be the only ones to fully appreciate the superb job the editors did on this scene. The “I was very disappointed with supper” line was imported from a later, private interview where Tish was not present, and the 10 – 15 minutes of table time was cut down to about 30 seconds.
The viewers missed the fact that someone had intentionally traded out the normal “Chicken Piccatta” recipe.
Also missed was the “high five” of Steve and Tish in the kitchen immediately following the scene!
90&9: How did Tish do as a home schooling mother?
SH: Given her very limited introduction to the curriculum and manuals, she did well. I was told to keep working in my office since I am not normally present when Kristin is teaching.
90&9: At one point she wanted to get the girls’ to wear pants. How did you handle that? Was the TV segment accurate?
SH: The segment was accurate, I suppose. It did not share the length of the scene and the follow-up discussions concerning Biblical modesty and our family’s expression of it, moral relativism, individual expression in young children and whether our position prevents them from experiencing culture.
90&9: You and Tish seemed to butt heads more than Kristin and Tony. Why do you think that was?
SH: A primary goal of the show is for the “new moms” to have maximum impact on the family through the rule changes. My leverage was simply noncompliance.
The Hoover family made it clear from the beginning they were not putting all cards on the table. We would not go where our conscience did not grant permission. The limits were being pushed from New York on the rule changes and several simply did not allow my participation. It was very evident to Tish and I both that they wanted to break my resolve.
There were 10 rule changes, not just the four or five addressed in the show. The girls and I complied with more than half of the rule changes (six out of 10) though most of my compliance did not make the final cut.
I also had to resist in other scenes such as dying the girl’s hair, wearing an assortment of jewelry, and me dressing as a traditional woman and going shopping. Unlike Kristin, I did feel I was under constant assault.
90&9: Why was not wearing the empathy suit such a big deal?
SH: First, I believed Kristin would view it as cross dressing and would not want me to wear it. Secondly, I myself question whether a man can learn anything by strapping breasts on himself.
The offer to carry a 50 lb. bag of dog food on my back while working in the kitchen all day was rejected by the directors.
The suit was not about empathy in this case, but rather humiliation.
90&9: Now, at the end you were rocking out with the girls for the music video. How long did the videoing process take? Were you pleased with the results?
SH: The practice and filming for the video took most of the day. At first, I was leery that profanity or vulgarity might be inserted, but Tish gave me her word and kept it. I was able to relax with the choice of lyrics and had a great time with the kids.
90&9: Are you four ready to start touring?
SH: Yes indeed! Look for the on stage performance of “Red Fire” at IBC Music Festival and at General Conference this fall!
90&9: At the end of the show you were shown as loosening up a bit. Any regrets on how you acted and/or how you were portrayed?
SH: I have no major regrets on my actions whatsoever. Some of the narration was exaggerated and some scenes even spliced to get a desired effect, but that was out of my control. In the end the Hoover family was among the satisfied viewers of the show.
The producers and editors did a great job in finding our existing views and positions, then extrapolating them in the mind of the viewers to produce the highest rated Wife Swap episode to date.
THE HOOVERS
90&9: How much of reality plays a part in reality TV?
K&SH: Many scenes are staged but not scripted. Staging can be set and timed to inflame emotions and desired effect. (An example includes:) Waiting to bring the keg into the Hoover house until all neighbors are present and having a good time. Steve was left with a difficult choice and chose to leave rather than fight in front of his girls and the guests.
The directors often ask leading questions or want to rephrase and condense your statements. It is up to the show participant to only speak his own mind and not simply repeat what a director is saying.
90&9: Were you ever coerced by the producers to say certain lines or do certain things? The one instance that sticks out is when Steve asks Tish to make homemade pies for the party.
K&SH: Sure they try to coerce at times, though it may be subtle. This particular event was staged of course, but I didn’t need coercion to participate.
A little confession: I think Tish responded mildly. Had that been Kristin I was asking to bake pies, for unexpected guests coming in two hours, I would still be running!
90&9: I understand you guys also strategized to focus on the crib and cradle instead of other topics. Can you explain this?
K&SH: During all phases of the filming we were both transparent regarding our differing wishes on family size. We hoped this would surface later and provide another focus we were comfortable with, rather than one centered on our conservative dress or any perceived religious peculiarities.
We weren’t disappointed. Removal of the crib and cradle was not a rule change as Steve assumed it would be, but it became a penalty for Steve’s noncompliance with the empathy suit.
We also knew it would fit a storyline of Steve as the authoritarian father.
90&9: The cradle—where is it now: still in the shed, back in the side room or somewhere else?
K&SH: The cradle is back in its normal place, and it remains to be seen if Junior will ever fill it. Negotiation continues!
90&9: Are you still in contact with the Meeks?
K&SH: Through anxious moments waiting for February 12, 2007, we made many calls back and forth. Five minutes after our show aired we received a call from an elated Tish. We have laughed about our favorite scenes and one liners; my favorite being when Tony says, “I think my Sunday School teacher just moved in!”
Tony called (earlier this week) excited that Tish and Hannah were making a meal together. They are in the process of recording their newest project, and I have suggested “Everybody Loves Spring” is included. We hope to visit them in Texas in the future.
90&9: Now participant families are awarded $20,000 each. I’m guessing you have some plans for that money after contributing to your favorite Pentecostal web zine..?
K&SH: Several have asked if we “did it for the money,” and the answer is, “No.” While we certainly welcome the funds, it was never a determining factor in whether we participated in the show.
We plan on giving to the church and Uncle Sam first. Our church also needs another projector screen and we plan to contribute. Then we plan to either take a Disney Cruise or go to Disneyland as an entire family.
90&9: Your show was the highest rated in the show’s history. Would you recommend other Pentecostals diving into the reality TV waters?
K&SH: We do believe this was a “God Thing,” at the same time we would be very cautious about making any recommendations toward Reality TV involvement. It was not easy and was emotionally taxing, especially in regards to matters of conscience.
For the Hoover family this was certainly an exception to the rule concerning our views of TV and major media entertainment.
90&9: Where to from here?
K&SH: We carefully considered our participation in Wife Swap and sought counsel from elders we respected. I can say many hours of prayer took place before, during, and after the filming. I was determined not to walk out of my room and into the light of the camera before I had been in the presence of God and received an anointing for that day.
We have received numerous phone calls and emails from strangers that were affected by our participation. (Earlier this week), I walked through Wal-Mart for the first time after the show, and everyone wanted to pull me aside and talk about the episode. Many said how uplifting the show was, and that we were a witness. At that moment I realized no matter how much effort I put into door knocking, I would never reach nine million households with the message of God’s love. My grandfather spoke in many countries and to large audiences. He may have addressed a few million in his lifetime, but for one hour, God allowed us to touch nearly nine million people. This still astounds me!
We hope God continues to use us in ways we could never imagine!
To God be the glory.
ninetyandnine.com
© 2007, Kent d Curry
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Kent d Curry is an executive editor at ninetyandnine.com.
